


The Teaspoon Horror

by Sturzkampf



Category: Widdershins (Webcomic)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:33:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23065543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sturzkampf/pseuds/Sturzkampf
Summary: Jack O’Malley does his best, but there’s no pleasing some people.
Kudos: 8





	The Teaspoon Horror

Jack O’Malley had been looking forward to a well-earned cup of tea. Of course, someone had to spoil it.

“O’Malley!” exclaimed an all-too-familiar peevish voice. “Must you put your dirty teaspoon down on the table, just after I’ve spent ten minutes cleaning it?!”

Jack scowled, but he had to admit that Ben Thackerey had a point. He’d stirred his three spoonfuls of sugar into his tea and then put the dirty spoon down in the middle of the freshly- cleaned kitchen table, where it had made a brown puddle of tea. A very small brown puddle to be sure, but a puddle nevertheless. In the past he might have just ignored the annoying little wizard, or possibly laughed in his face, but Wolfe had asked him to at least try and make an effort, if the three of them were to be sharing the same house.

“Yeah, a’right, keep yer ‘air on,” he said with bad grace, and picked the dirty spoon back up again. Ben took the dishcloth he always seemed to carry and fastidiously wiped up the drop of tea.

“You could at least wash the spoon and put it away.”

“Yeah, yeah, a’right.” Jack put the spoon into his mouth, licked it clean and dropped it back in the drawer with all the rest. Well, with the other two. Thackerey’s Malform Removals were not blessed with an abundance of cutlery. Ben looked at him in dismay.

“O’Malley! What have you done?!”

“What? I’s clean!”

“ _No it isn’t!_ That’s disgusting! Now I’ll have to wash up all the teaspoons to make sure I clean the dirty one!”

“Why? Ye’ve never complained afore.”

“Before? You mean you’ve done it before?!” There was a touch of hysteria in Ben’s voice.

“Yeah, ‘course. No point ‘eatin’ water up just t’ wash a spoon is there? Lick it clean, put it back in th’ drawer, job done.”

“But you’ve been here for months! And you’ve been licking the spoons clean all this time?! But that means you… I… I’ve…”

“Ye’ve what?” But Ben’s voice trailed away into a series of small whimpering sounds. He stared at the cutlery drawer in wide-eyed horror, as though expecting some terrible monster to crawl out of it at any moment. Jack took this as a sign that the conversation was over and was all too glad to take his tea into the peace of the living room where he could enjoy it in the company of a recuperative roll-up.

Heinrich Wolfe was sitting at the dining table, working on his journal. He looked up when Jack walked into the room.

“Ah Mal, have you been upsetting friend Ben again?”

“Nah, wha’ makes ye say that?”

“Ah, perhaps the screaming sound coming from kitchen?”

Jack slouched into the most comfortable armchair and rummaged in his pockets for his Congreves.

“I dunno. Ye try to help, but every little thing seem’ to upset ‘im.”


End file.
